I asked Nathan Moore for strategies for dealing with my nearly brand-spanking new workplace, which is largely amazing and occasionally difficult. He prefaced his advice by saying, “These might be bad. Remember, I don’t interact very much with what you would call the ‘outside world.’”

I think his advice is wonderful. Poets should do all the workplace strategizing. Here is his list, which is all in good fun, of course:

1. Strategy of the Temporary Horizon: What happens inside the building is bound by the building’s walls. Dumbasses will be dumbasses there, and your experience of them is limited by the time you are there and the physical limits of the building. Try to keep reminding yourself of this.

2. Dramatic Strategy: Dumbasses are actors in a play. You are the audience. There is a “fourth wall” between you.

3. Automatonic Strategy: While at work, imagine you are a robot assigned to a “robot graveyard,” a place where malfunctioning and obsolete robots have been sent to die. You are the only fully functioning robot. Your job is to placate them so they won’t escape and cause havoc in the outside world.

4. Strategy of the Illuminati: While a dumbass is saying/doing something stupid, picture your superior intellect and understanding as a bright blue aura emanating from your skin. The glow is protective and calming at the same time.

5. Authorial Strategy: Imagine you are doing research for book about incompetence. Take mental notes or actually keep a notebook. Turn your notes into a screenplay in which all the characters belong to the Catholic hierarchy or are advertising executives.

6. Strategy of the Vent: Right after work, call a friend and tell them exactly what happened that day and how it made you feel.

I think he threw strategy #6 in there just because he wants me to call him more often. My personal favorite is strategy #3. I love anything involving robots — except robot sex. I am not into that.

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Note

The terminology used in this list is that of Nathan Moore and does not necessarily represent the views of Dana Guthrie Martin. This post is in no way intended to state or imply that anyone is actually a dumbass.

“More and more I want to read a poem and say to myself, ‘What the hell was that?’ because I have the feeling of having just been slapped in the face with a damp sock full of indigo paint by a stranger in an elevator.” — Nathan Moore

:: Photographs taken by kids participating in a children’s photography program at the Dharavi Shelter

(Click on the image to see the slideshow.)

Yesterday I was trying to find a list of ways people can respond to the oil spill. I came across a short piece in Treehugger about how hair mats and hair booms are effective ways to soak up oil. The article explains the work of Matter of Trust, which formed during the 2007 oil spill in the San Francisco Bay. Matter of Trust now ships hair to 19 donated storage warehouses on the Gulf Coast from Alabama to Florida.

Treehugger writer Roberta Cruger explains how hair mats work and their history:

Highly effective sponges, the compostable hair mat was invented in 1989 by Phil McCrory, a hair stylist from Alabama. One pound of hair can suck up one gallon of oil.

The article calls for readers to: “Get your hair salon, barber shop and pet groomers to donate highly oil-absorbent hair/fur to Matter of Trust for hair mats.”

Toward that end, I will be visiting groomers and salons this week to pass out fliers I made encouraging them to join in the effort. I have made these fliers available as downloadable PDF files (below) so anyone else can use them as well.

I don’t usually beg, but in this case I will. Please pass these fliers out wherever you can in your community, especially at chains that could organize beyond the local level to ship large amounts of human and pet hair. You can even pass the fliers out when you are doing your routine shopping. Whenever you pass by a salon or pet groomer, just drop a flier off — or check back in with an establishment you have already visited to see if they are taking part in the program.

Besides hair and fur, feathers, fleece, nylons and (of course) funding are all accepted at Matter of Trust. If you know of an animal refuge, for example, you could contact them about donating their feathers and fur. (It wouldn’t hurt to mention that the donation would make a great story for the local news.)

You could also approach your local Goodwill or other charitable thrift store about setting all hose and fleece aside for a donation. And why not encourage local nonprofits, companies and schools to organize hair drives? There are many ways to creatively approach this undertaking.

What are you waiting for? Make some calls. Download some fliers. Pass this information on to others who can do the same.

This disaster is tragic and unfathomable. It is heartbreaking. But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing we can do. Together, we can make a difference. Even a small difference can have tangible results.

[ Flier for Salons ]

[ Flier for Pet Salons and Groomers ]

Note: To use these fliers, simply click on the image, then print the file. Each 8.5 x 11 page contains two fliers. Cut the page in half, and you’re ready to pass the fliers out. If you are reading this post through an RSS reader, you will need to click through to the site to view and print the fliers.

:: Doodle, by Nathan Moore